Goodnight Kiss

You Can't Stop the Signal

When they tried to screw the Browncoats over, the Browncoats rose to the occassion, never one to run from a fight, even at the doomed Serenity Valley. It was Thursday, the day before the fabled Flanvention II was about to occur. Fans from around the 'verse had begun to gather, almost 150 of them that first night in the hotel, comiserating in the hotel bar. Why were they not rejoicing and celebrating? Because the evil Booster Entertainment had pulled the rug out from under them, stranding them, without a convention.

No reason was given for the decision. All the fans knew was that their beloved convention had been canceled. They talked amongst themselves, grateful for the chance to meet other Browncoats, but angry at the fun that they knew would never be a part of their lives. Some of them had paid thousands in coin to flock to California, to have meet and greet opportunities with the stars of "Serenifly" as it is known throughout the fandom. Alas, Haven had been trashed, destroyed by an evil alliance. The fans drowned themselves in alcohol, while a warning was sent to all others: Stay Away. Many heard the warning, and took heed. Others, eager to meet with other Browncoats, boarded their boats, anyway, eager for an adventure.

That first night, it seemed that all had been lost, until one man walked into the bar. He bore no weapons, and had come at the behest of no one. No reward was promised for his involvement, but he felt a deep-rooted need to be with his people, to come to the rescue of the floundering Browncoats, to give them a shrivel of hope. When he entered the bar, the crowd sprung to their feet, immediately engaging in a round of "The Man They Call Jayne." A hero had walked into the bar, not just a hero of the screen, but a personal hero to all those who had felt the weekend had been permanently lost. He came in to talk to the fans, to sit with them, to drink with them, all without the promise of a reward. His services were offered for free, and even better, he said he had spoken to the Captain. Things began to look up for the stranded Browncoats.

The next day, reinforcements arrived in the form of the California Browncoats. They showed up prepared to salvage what they could from the wreckage, and the word spread throughout the fandom, once more, that the kindness of the Browncoats was apparent, that no power in the 'verse could stop them.

The rest of the weekend was filled with visits from heroes, from stars whose names had been unattached to the debunked FLAN, heroes who gave of their time freely, who asked for nothing in return. The California Browncoats kept everything moving, and the grateful fans would scream of their kindness throughout the 'verse.

However, not all has been restored, for though the Parliament has been hurt by the message, the Reavers run wild, refusing to return the carcasses of the dead, refusing to return the cashey money, refusing to answer the questions of the hurt populace. Those who never boarded their boats cry out, screaming for answers, for an intervention, for something to come together for them. This terror and hurt has sent ripples through the 'verse, but the ship flies true.

Even though this particular Browncoat was on the opposite coast, and in no way affected by FLAN personally, she's grateful for what the people of the 'verse banded together to do. There is still kindness in the black, and there is determination in the form of the Browncoats. Answers will be sought, and the Alliance will be held accountable. As Mister Universe's equipment sent a message out to the worlds, we have sent our own: This will not be forgotten, and you can't stop the signal.

A rare... Public Entry... On Beauty:

While on vacation this past weekend, I took in all the various magazines in the airport, searching for one that might lend some brief entertainment in the interim between arriving and boarding. I took in the images staring at me, smiling at me, until they began to blur, and I realized just how alike all the pictures were. I thought about my own image in the mirror, how the face I saw smiling back at me, crying out to me, laughing right at me, was nothing like the ones I looked at on the page.

America is very obsessed with homogenization, with everyone being the same, assimilated into a melting pot of goo, losing our individuality and special features until we match the images on the screen, on the page, in the news. So many times I have looked in the mirror, wishing I looked more like the pictures on the page, that my nose weren't so defined, that my neckline were moreso, that my eyes were a more interesting color than plain brown. It's a neverending quest to be beautiful, and we become so obsessed with looking like someone else that we lose sight of our own, unique beauty.

I thought about those magazines, long after I had finished my prosciutto, parmesan and fig sandwich quasi-fresh from the vendor, wondering what it would look like if I were to take pictures of me and my closest friends, and lined them up on magazines along with all the others. There would be a completely new type of beauty displayed on those stands.

I do not wish to discount the beauty of those on magazines, only to say that our own obsession with them drives us to forget our own beauty, to ignore it, to attempt to blend in and lose what is unique about us. I am a woman with curves. I have a defined, Jewish nose. My neckline is lacking, but my fiance looks at me and thinks I'm beautiful. He sees me, and says there is no other woman in the world for him. And, sometimes, I look in the mirror and see that woman he sees, the woman who is beautiful, who shines despite the fact that she doesn't match the magazines.

In this country, and in so many others, beauty is no longer about individual beauty, but is centered around the chosen few who fit a particular mold. Most women don't fit into that body type, that facial structure, those features. Each woman holds her own, unique beauty that needs to be acknowledged as such. We, as women, should not let our beauty be measured as a comparison against the women the general media refers to as "beautiful." That's not what life is about, that's not what beauty is about. God gave me a unique frame, a unique face, and unique talents all my own. That is beautiful.

We do not all have to be the same to find acceptance and beauty. That's the beautiful thing, but it's also a difficult thing to grasp. When we're young, Disney shows us the ideal of beauty. As we age, soap operas and evening dramas show us the perfect girls, the women men are supposed to desire and adore because they are beautiful. We starve ourselves, cut into our skin, pull out what we don't like to mold a new frame... and for what? To look like everyone else? To lose the beauty we were born with? To lose those unique quirks that make up our faces, our physical attributes?

We are beautiful. We are. We are so absolutely beautiful right as we are. We don't have to match the world's view of "beauty" to be beautiful. Remember that the next time you find yourself staring in the mirror, contemplating your reflection, mentally replacing your features with someone else's. You are beautiful.

Fantasy Theme Papers SUCK

So, my dad came home, and promptly decided to take a nap... so I can't do much. I can't watch TV, because he's out there.. and I can't be out there because he's out there to begin with... but sitting in my room, I can't do homework. I've never had enough space to comfortably work on homework in my room *Sigh* So, I'm at a bit of a standstill and goofing off a little because I can't do much. I'm getting freakin' Exhausted, too, because I can't put on music or anything and I have no idea where I put my dratted headphones. If I could sneak in the living room without waking him, I could get my mp3 Player, but I don't wanna risk it at the moment... Now I REALLY wanna take a nap myself, but I know I gotta TRY to get to bed at a reasonable hour tonight. *sigh*

Tmra? I HAVE to write this paper. I'm just struggling so badly with it.

Just wrote my teacher an email asking to meet with her if possible tmra. That means I have to do some MAJOR work tonight on this paper so I don't show up empty handed... I think I'll get a movie from my collection and watch it softly on my computer... or maybe Firefly... Nah, not in the mood... movie it is. :)

Love you guys. I'm just a bit frustrated, still.


So, I'm s'posed to be working on this paper.. and I'm really not slacking off at this point. I'm just SUPER confused on how to do it. I read the sample paper, and while I get why it was an A paper, I have NO clue how to apply the information and technique to my book. She critiqued a play.... Book... Play. GAH!

So, I printed off the notes... I have them written down from class, but I'd like to have them in hand so I can write all over them as I try to decipher what the heck my teacher is looking for! It's annoying, but inevitable. AH well...

It's... So... Frustrating. I want to work. I want to do well, but I can't for the life of me figure out how to do this... on top of that, I want to meet with my teacher sometime this week about my lectures... And I have not had time to work on them... well... I toyed around with the Film One, and have a pretty good idea of where I'm going. it's basically a film class, abridged, in one class instead of 15 weeks. Yeah. I really need to work on the other one, though, as I have NO IDEA what my teacher wants me to talk about...

Seems to be a running theme...

EDIT: 1:39AM

Feeling a bit better about the paper mostly because I found a GREAT article that is helping clear things up a bit. I mean, I'm not 100 percent on any of it, but I think that by the time I start writing tmra, I'll have a much better hold on what I have to do, and a GREAT scholarly article to use as a source! Anyways, I'm gonna take a shower and take a break... then maybe do a LITTLE more work before finally getting some rest. I have to be up no later than 10:30 tmra morning... so if I'm in bed by 2:30, that's still 8 hours. :)

Love ya guys!
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Lazy Weekend.... sorta.

Today was strange, but I'm happy to be home, and to soon be off to bed. I didn't get to see Matt, but I'm hopeful I'll get to see him tmra. Of course, Date Night is canceled because his show is opening (Yes, I'm going). I'm not angry, perplexed, or worried one bit about it. I'm just happy to get to see my man.

My dad has given me a challenge. He'll stop drinking beer if I'll stop drinking soda. Were it not for a pesky time of the month, I'd be able to accept his challenge. However, I'm going to try anyways. :) Can't hurt! All water and juice? Should be good for me! I used to hardly ever drink soda, believe it or not! :) So, this should be really good for me!

Tmra? Tutor Apryl at 3:30 (which means SLEEPING IN!), then go see Matt's show at 8pm. My time between those two activities will be spent at home, hopefully finishing my Nancy Drew book (50 pages left) so I can start my rhetorical criticsm paper based around fantasy. It's due Tuesday, so I guess I should kinda do it. Ya know? I still have no idea how I did on the first one, as we will not be getting those back until my teacher returns on Tuesday. HAH!

I have graded papers, and over the weekend must update my grades on Blackboard. Shouldn't take TOO long! Just annoying, I suppose.

Saturday? I have no idea. With Dad out of town, and Matt doing a show, I'll probably stay home and do laundry, clean, and work on my paper. I also have to write a skit for my Honors class so I can email it to everyone by Monday. Nevertheless, the weekend does seem lazy compared to this week.

I love you guys, and miss you so much. Last Monday I had a blast with a bunch of theatre people... it makes me realize how much I miss hanging out with you guys. SOMEONE drop me a line! I'm hanging on the edge here and feeling a bit isolated!
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Irked! Ack!

So, my uppper abs and all that are looking great, but my TUMMY is the big problem at the moment. Nothing I do, from crunches, to pilates, to cardio pilates seems to touch it... It's still there, all big and flabby... I may need to buy a fitness magazine for ideas... but not til Monday. I don't get paid til Monday.

I decided to come home between classes because Matt was exhausted and no longer wanted to meet for lunch.... I don't have anything to do until 4:30, so I gased up and came home. I've been here about 45 minutes... in that time I've corresponded with a student, had a glass of orange juice, and done 20 minutes of cardio pilates (which has left me quite sweaty, though you didn't need to know that). My next item on the agenda involves getting something to eat, but I also have to work on that dratted Nancy Drew book, and possibly call the lady about headshots (though I may put that off until tmra). I'm in a good mood, but I'm quite drained. Hopefully, the food'll help... though I'm not sure what to eat. Last night Dad made steak, brussel sprouts (my fav) and corn for dinner. I was so honored he made dinner! I was thinking about eating the left over steak, but I'm nervous about the "corn" taste it's bound to have taken on due to its proximity to the leftover corn on a "leftover plate." Then again, I'm not sure this protein heavy diet works for me, anyways.

I did it to lose weight, and because I was concerned about my food allergies... so I've been trying Mom's diet, and it's a fairly unhappy one, honestly. I don't eat a lot of meat, usually, so my body has no idea what to do with it! I suppose I could become vegetarian... which wouldn't be THAT difficult for me as I usually only eat chicken a lot... *sigh*

For now: more orange juice, something to eat, and some possible Nancy Drew reading. I have 2 hours before I have to worry about getting on the road and heading back to school, so I'm going to try to use the time wisely. :) TRY, being the operative word in that sentence. *sigh* I am a mess at times, aren't I? Love you guys!
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Bed... Yeah... might be a good idea.

So... 2:10. Yep. Just finished the Honors paper. No CLUE if it's what the teacher is looking for, but, at this point, ah well. I did my best, and I'm tired, and stretched out. I have to be up at 10:15 at the latest (so bed must come soon) so I can get to class and bug my poor teacher about the three papers I'm fuzzy on. *sigh* And I can't find my hand lotion anywhere, which is driving me NUTS considering how chapped my hands are... they're cold just typing this! I'm making mistakes all over the place! Anyways, goodnight dear friends! :)

Strange days... but I'm strangely relaxed. What a PEACE God has given me!

First day back on the pilates, and it didn't hurt as much as I thought it should... but BOY did my abs look great in the ten minutes after I did it... not flat, but I could DEFINITELY see the muscle trying to work. :) It was nice to do it, and it went by a LOT faster than I thought it would.... 18 minute workout... nice. I stopped once for a sip of water because my throat was getting dry... but I managed through most of it, even when my feet cramped... my poor feet!

Daddy and I ate steak for dinner, and it was lovely. I only had a little fat on mine, which is fine by me! I ate a lot tonight, but I needed it after only eating once today.... So, I feel weighty at the moment, but it'll pass, I'm sure.

It's 11:14. I'm catching the re-air of "Black. White." because Dad was CLEARLY bored a half hour in, so I changed the channel to Whose Line. I figured he shouldn't have to suffer, and Whose Line is something we can agree on.

I graded my papers... save 3... Two were a bit short, but not grossly so... and the other just had a billion problems... so I'm going to bug Deborah about it in the morning. I'm just not sure what to do with this one student who CLEARLY hasn't really considered the topic and the assignment thoroughly. It's depressing to have students with that kind of attitude, but it happens.

Tmra? A fairly light day if I get everything done tonight I need to. I have my Honors opinion paper to write... that shouldn't be TOO hard, I hope, but arguing my point using the articles provided is going to be rough. I'll need to find another source to throw into the mix to help me out! Eep! The topic being covered is the influence of violent media on people... All the topics being handled this semester, besides ours, are really heavy. Finding articles on reality television's affect on Women in the United States has been difficult, and I think that everyone in my group is starting to feel the strain, but today I worked with my partner within the group (has to do with the way we broke it down) and we came up with some ways to more evenly distribute the work, which should alleviate some of the fears and frustrations everyone is feeling at this point.

I'm tired, but I have much to do before I sleep, including a nice, warm shower. I was thinking about working on this GSR sketch I started almost a week ago now, but finding the energy and time to do it just isn't happening. I mean, I can tell how much work needs to be done on this, and sometimes it just seems like way too much to be enjoyable... mostly because I'm doing two faces at once, one I'm not familiar with at all. Drawing a 52 year old man is not nearly as easy as drawing a 30 year old woman. The lines and wrinkles are so much more defined, as are the differences between shadow and light. Oy!

My gift to my fellow TAs and teacher this semester will be to take pictures of them tmra, then sketch them. My mom has the equipment at her house to frame them, so that'll be great. I really think it'll be a nice gesture, and it's something I want to do for them. I appreciate them, and the relationships we are creating, especially between me and Sara. We just click so well, and I can see myself doing things with Matt and her and her husband in the future. We rarely get to do double-date couple things because there are so few couples we click with, and I get the feel that this would be one of them. :)

Saw Matt briefly today. His show opens on Friday, so I'll be there, cheering him on! Then, on Thursday, a friend of mine is running in a marathon. Jealous as I am of her physique, I will be there cheering her on! :) Yay!!

Matt and I are missing each other more and more lately because of our hectic schedules... it's a good mix at the moment between my tutoring, work, classes, and preparation for graduation and his rehearsals, work, and classes... It's always tough, but soon he'll be done with rehearsals, and the show will close in a few weeks... and then I'll get to see him more! :) YAY!

I'm not sure why I'm writing such a long and involved entry right now.... but I am. My mind is racing, and I have many things to do, though. I have to finish reading my Nancy Drew book so I can write my fantasy themed rhetorical essay on it, I have to do my three page essay for tmra's Honors class, and I have to prepare to teach one 45 minute lecture, and one 75 minute lecture for next month... and I need to meet with my teacher by next week to get moving on all this. Yeah, it's tough... and she does NOT get what I'm talking about in how I want to present Film as Communication. Her focus is on the themes and issues addressed, which is all fine and dandy, but those same themes can be addressed in a book, or an essay.... film is unique in HOW it presents themes, how the film process ADDS to the issues. *sigh* Lighting! Cinematography! Angles! Composition of the shot! Editing! THAT is what makes film unique. Hello!? WIDESCREEN!?!!? *sigh*

Wow that sounded juvenile. Anyways, I have much to do... and it's now after 11:30pm. HAH! :) I'm not worried, and I'm not afraid. I'll sleep in on Friday before going to tutor Apryl. That'll be nice. Love you guys!
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